Loved First, Learning to Receive and Extend God’s Unconditional Love

“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

Our Bible study is wrapping up the book of John, and I never expected it to last this long. What started as a short summer study became something I deeply needed. Along the way, the book of John has become precious to me, not because I mastered it, but because it keeps bringing me back to love.

As we finished John chapter 21, I was struck again by how Jesus loves people right where they are, not where we think they should be.

Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves Him. Each time, Jesus asks using a God kind of love. Each time, Peter responds with a brotherly kind of love. Peter answers honestly from the place where he is able. What amazes me is that Jesus meets him right there. There is no guilt. No shame. No lecture about the betrayal.

Peter had denied Jesus three times on the night before the crucifixion. He even swore that he did not know Him. When the rooster crowed, Peter wept bitterly. After the resurrection, Peter returned to fishing. That is when Jesus showed up on the shore and told them to cast the net on the other side of the boat. Another miracle. A net full of fish. Scripture even tells us there were 153 of them (John 21:11).

When Peter realized it was Jesus, he jumped out of the boat to get to Him as fast as he could. Later, they stood around a charcoal fire. The same kind of fire Peter stood by when he denied Jesus (John 18:18, John 21:9). I cannot help but wonder if his body remembered that moment. Yet here was Jesus offering redemption, not condemnation. Three questions. All centered on love.

That is grace.

Loving people who are easy to love comes naturally. I love my grandchildren and my children because they make it easy. When I was younger, I did not fully understand unconditional love. I attached my happiness to behavior. Behave well and I am happy. Misbehave and you will know I am displeased. As I grow, I am realizing how different God’s love is toward me.

God’s love has no stipulations. “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). I can be at my worst and He still loves me. Forgiveness was offered before I ever sinned. That is what it means to be covered by His blood.

Over the years, God has shown me how tightly I can hold onto unforgiveness. I remember wrongs easily. I used to be easily offended, and I pray that maturity is softening that in me. Recently, God has been teaching me that unconditional love must be extended even when someone has wronged me.

For several months now, someone has been very upset with me, and I am not entirely sure why. I have noticed this pattern with women throughout my life. Sometimes I am at fault and need to apologize. Other times, I am simply the safe place for someone else’s pain to land. God has gently shown me that when I am pushed aside because of my beliefs, it is not really about me. It is about standing firm in what He has asked me to hold.

Jesus reminded His followers that choosing Him would not always be comfortable or welcomed (John 15:18–19).

That does not make it easy. Mean words and harsh looks still hurt. I have prayed to remain unoffended, to stay kind, and even for my face to reflect compassion instead of frustration. I truly believed that kindness would fix everything. Instead, things seemed to get harder.

Through Peter’s story, God reminded me that He is in control. He is sanding off rough edges in me. I cannot control circumstances, but I can release control of my own expectations and allow the Holy Spirit to keep shaping my heart. I fail. I falter. I struggle. And then He meets me with peace.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18).

I have cried. I have been angry. But through studying John and First John, I keep coming back to this simple truth. My job is to love.

“We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

We do not always get the resolution we hope for. We do not always see immediate results. But Christ’s love for us never ends.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us” (1 John 3:1).

His grace, mercy, and forgiveness are always present. For that, I am deeply grateful.

If you want to know Jesus more deeply, I encourage you to spend time in the book of John, then continue into First, Second, and Third John.

Journaling Prompts

If you are walking through tension, forgiveness, or heart work of your own, here are a few questions to sit with prayerfully:

• Where am I answering Jesus honestly from where I am, not where I think I should be?

• Is there anyone I am loving with conditions instead of grace?

• What offense am I still holding onto, and why?

• Am I willing to let God use discomfort to refine me?

• What would it look like to love without needing resolution or apology?

• Where might God be asking me to release control and trust Him more?

• How can I reflect Christ’s love in this situation, even if nothing changes?